florallove

I hate waiting on facebook
hoping certain people will talk to me
because they never do.

totally PMSing. I'm pissed at everyone and I just want some freaking chocolate.

GSLDFJHGFDJHSERTHRTHRTH.

Eating two sandwiches at 2 a.m. is probably not a good idea. But I'm doing it anyway.

I hate feeling like I'm too late to do something. Like I was thinking about it for too long, and missed my chance.
I also hate being late at all...I remember being 8 and going to a Girl Scout camp and thinking the whole way to the church, "What if we're late?!?! What if they already left?!?!? What if it was a different time?!?!!" I'm sure we were one of the first people there.

And lastly, I hate feeling like I don't have enough time to decide. Because I only have about...oh, one day to decide something and it's driving me nuts. My initial reaction is to just put it off but obviously I can't put it off too much longer. I really should just put it off at least til tomorrow. I don't need to be worrying at this time of night.

I feel like crap right now
but I don't really know why.

I know the things that led to it, but I don't really know...what I am feeling.
I just know that I'm feeling.
I hate that.

but um, let's see. I hate that I don't have the money to do things. I hate that there are things that I want to do this weekend, but I don't really want to go them (like, the events sound fun, but my body says NO). I hate that I have so much to save, so many things I want to remember but I can't. I hate that there things that I've seen on the internet that I'll never get back. I hate that I told my friend about my blog because now it's tainted. there's something nice about being able to post a blog publicly but without anyone you know seeing it. I hate that facebook is so boring. I hate that I have no one to message, comment...

I hate how I'm feeling. I just want to eat a lot. and I'm tired but I'm just UGH frustrated and it makes me not want to go to sleep.
usually if I'm sad I just want to sleep. but I'm not really SAD. I'm just...blah. I don't know.  it feels like there should be some other word to describe it. not frustrated, upset, mad...
so dumb.

so, I think I need to get the fuck over being single.
it's certainly not a very important thing to be upset about.
I am a perfectly fine human. I do not need a man to be happy.
got it, self?! good.

being an awesome single lady, here is what I can do:
WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO.
I can pretty much act however I want to (no one to impress)
I can not shave for however long I want to, I can say whatever I want to.
I don't have to worry about another person.
(I mean, obviously I have to be nice to my friends and family, I am not saying that. I'm just saying that there's no boyfriend-type person that I have to think about).

so yes. it's a good thing.
I'm only as lonely as I allow myself to feel.
and other things like that.
besides, seeing other people who are in relationships...
yeah. the magic doesn't just happen.
so I'm glad that I don't have to put effort into that.
I have other things to worry about, I already don't seem to have enough hours in the day.

I can work on making myself a really cool person, so that when the time comes around, and guy walks into my life who is really great, then I will be really great, and confident and independent and other things. that is what is the best thing for me.

No. I have questioned my faith, but never considered converting. I believe that Jesus' teachings are good things to follow, even if you aren't a Christian.

Either the 40's, 50's, or 60's. But teenagers have it so great these days, it's kind of weird to want to go back to another time just for the music or whatever. Or just the glamour of it.

WHY
is everyone in a relationship
except me

I would just like to go Barnes and Noble with a boy, please. and be that cute couple that is walking around.

today was going to be a good day, but now it is ruined by me being overdramatic and stupid.

No. I don't believe it's an actual force, same with luck and karma.
I believe that the choices you make direct where your life will go and what will happen in it.

Twilight is seriously the funniest movie ever.

My favorite quotes:

Bella: You're beautiful.
Edward (while ~sparkling~): Beautiful? This is the skin of a killer, Bell." 
 
Bella: How did you get in here?
Edward: The window.
Bella: Do you do that a lot?
Edward: Just the past couple of months. I like watching you sleep. It's...kind of fascinating to me.

and my absolute favorite!

Edward: I just want to try one thing. Just stay very still. Don't move.

--
I MEAN, REALLY.

I'm so sad right now because I can't dance.

I mostly mean more formally. But also I can't just dance (doo doo doo just dance) spontaneously, or like...the kind of dancing you'd do at a wedding or party. I CAN'T DANCE. AT ALL. 

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

I don't think that anyone really deserves anything.
Should you give second chances? Sometimes. It depends on the situation.

I feel bad for feeling so good after my friend's sister's funeral.
It's like I feel guilty. I don't know why. Because he has to feel so horribly heartbroken. I feel bad.

But man, I am so excited for life right now. I am so blessed. That's another reason why I feel bad, because I am beyond blessed, but he has to deal with this loss. But I think that I should soak all of this up because I know that it may change tomorrow. I know this feeling won't last forever.

I feel bad for not taking advantage of these past few years more. Not really that, just...how I've spent so much time feeling sad, I guess. I have no reason to. My life is awesome, seriously. It's not exciting, but so many people would love to have my life. So I should be grateful every single day that I haven't lost any of my loved ones, that I have plenty of food, clothes, warmth.

I am feeling really ready to open up more. Also to understand myself better, to really try to get what I'm about. Because I think that then I can enjoy life more. And I've been coming up with so many ideas. I stand by the fact that I'm not creative, but I also think that it's stifling to pigeon hole myself into that. I need to open my mind to the possibilities.

I'm being so weird haha BUT I'M EXCITED SO YAY

A can of dog food fell on my toe today in the grocery store. A large can. it hurts so bad. and I think it messed up my shoe which makes me more pissed than how grossed out I am by how my toenail will fall off soon.

Even though I dislike Katy Perry, I can't stop listening to Thinking of You covers. I love the song but I hate how Katy Perry sings it.

I have this idea in my head for a character, who I would really like to write about and/or draw, but I can't  draw or write. So I am frustrated.

I...yeah. I just need to get things out of my head. so yay for lj.

there isn't really anyone to talk to right now.
that is driving me nuts.

man, if I could just have one guy friend. one is all I'm asking for. I'm tired of girls.

I want a particular dress like I've never wanted a dress before, but it's almost two hundred dollars. And it's only in a size 12 which I think would be too big.

I feel so silly being upset about a dress.

Sometimes life just feels kind on unbearable. Like, how am I supposed to do this for the rest of my life!
But then I think, what if I don't get a "rest of my life?" What if I die next week?
Basically I just freak myself out.

Which is generally an indicator that I just need to go to sleep.

if I could turn off any part of me right now, it would be the sore-loser part of me.
man, I was this close to crying over a freaking game of Catan.
but...ah, it was just sucking for me.

I am so disappointed in myself sometimes.

so, I was just making brownies, and I left a little bit in the bowl/on the spoon because, duh, I was going to eat it.
but then my dad comes up and is like, "WELL LOOK AT ALL THIS YOU LEFT IN THE BOWL" which really, wasn't that much, but he proceeded to scrape down the little bits and put it in the pan, THEN HE LICKED THE REST OF IT. and I was like, !!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't say anything, because I generally choose not to fight over brownie batter.
but first of all, I MADE THE FREAKING BROWNIES, I GET THE FREAKING BATTER. second, I just really wanted the brownie batter. third, I don't appreciate it when people decide that they need to help even though I very well know how to make brownies and also know how to do the necessary step of saving a little bit of batter to eat. I almost think he was just using the, oh look at all this batter you're wasting! thing just to have an excuse to eat it himself.
but soon enough, I will have delicious brownies and all will be well.

this post brought to you by my PMS, which makes me think about food constantly and get upset when I am deprived of it.

I'm feeling pretty lonely tonight.

man, I'm craving everything right now.
mostly pancakes, but also ice cream, cinnamon rolls, oatmeal, green grapes, apples, potatoes, chocolate cake, buttered toast with cinnamon-sugar, cheerios, peanut butter cookies, chocolate milk.
pancakes sound soooo good right now.
curse you, ofmornings community! making me crave all this breakfast food.

I may have the toast and an apple since it's the easiest thing to make that I actually have.
which would mean I would have had 3 apples today.
I'm just loving apples today.

CAN YOU TELL HOW LONELY I AM I'M TALKING ABOUT FOOD SO MUCH.
other things I crave a lot: pizza rolls, cheese puffs, chicken nuggets/popcorn chicken (OH GOSH POPCORN CHICKEN SOUNDS SO GOOD RIGHT NOW)

I am finding myself in that terrible situation I always get myself into where I want to be friends with people who I don't really...talk to at all. So I have no idea how to initiate conversations or whatever. ugh.